Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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