I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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