So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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