anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
