i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
