so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
