For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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