Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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