Texts From Last Night

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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.

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  (770): Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable. http://tfl.nu/w2xg
  Replies (16) Good night (2775) Bad night (1365)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.

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  (678): His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum. http://tfl.nu/czce
  Replies (35) Good night (1087) Bad night (6768)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why does Corona taste like a burp?

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  (205): Why does Corona taste like a burp? http://tfl.nu/2bn9
  Replies (39) Good night (721) Bad night (3735)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.

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  (443): We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status. http://tfl.nu/kzoi
  Replies (43) Good night (15444) Bad night (1535)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"

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  (949): he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say" http://tfl.nu/b497
  Replies (7) Good night (2651) Bad night (1752)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.

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  (540): It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd. http://tfl.nu/h39y
  Replies (8) Good night (2414) Bad night (1272)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test

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  (608): and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test http://tfl.nu/8oo5
  Replies (14) Good night (3329) Bad night (1361)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Did you get my bra back of the bartender?

  (1+61): View more from

  I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'

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  (+61): Did you get my bra back of the bartender? (1+61): I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile' http://tfl.nu/e0z3
  Replies (4) Good night (1817) Bad night (1486)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.

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  (914): He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck. http://tfl.nu/kvtv
  Replies (10) Good night (2645) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?

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  (760): My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going? http://tfl.nu/5t69
  Replies (9) Good night (1064) Bad night (1664)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.

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  (573): I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso. http://tfl.nu/7zvg
  Replies (2) Good night (853) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.

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  (252): I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction. http://tfl.nu/uetm
  Replies (2) Good night (1216) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.

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  (513): I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move. http://tfl.nu/stfw
  Replies (5) Good night (960) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else

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  (954): I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else http://tfl.nu/v2q6
  Replies (4) Good night (1164) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat

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  (703): What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat http://tfl.nu/4o67
  Replies (2) Good night (356) Bad night (552)

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