Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
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If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea