I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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