Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.

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  (847): I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help. http://tfl.nu/0kqr
  Replies (14) Good night (796) Bad night (2893)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury

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  (248): he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury http://tfl.nu/93f6
  Replies (89) Good night (5562) Bad night (1303)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt

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  (386): you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt http://tfl.nu/6l3r
  Replies (9) Good night (1111) Bad night (3168)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies

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  (609): not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies http://tfl.nu/jxw6
  Replies (15) Good night (1290) Bad night (2853)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."

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  (715): In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy." http://tfl.nu/mr96
  Replies (13) Good night (1382) Bad night (4106)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.

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  (407): It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/o8fq
  Replies (27) Good night (999) Bad night (7043)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?

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  (913): What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase? http://tfl.nu/cv8y
  Replies (9) Good night (2467) Bad night (1439)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?

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  (978): Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick? http://tfl.nu/mjo7
  Replies (25) Good night (6387) Bad night (1229)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.

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  (402): There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win. http://tfl.nu/2dfk
  Replies (8) Good night (4814) Bad night (885)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.

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  (801): I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl. http://tfl.nu/k0v0
  Replies (18) Good night (900) Bad night (4574)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".

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  (857): You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar". http://tfl.nu/eikz
  Replies (2) Good night (1262) Bad night (643)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Seriously. Castrate.

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  (303): If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you (303): Seriously. Castrate. http://tfl.nu/qjql
  Replies (4) Good night (588) Bad night (846)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Happy birthday, you long dick monster

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  (541): Happy birthday, you long dick monster http://tfl.nu/0cme
  Replies (9) Good night (1367) Bad night (327)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much

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  (610): I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much http://tfl.nu/u53w
  Replies (2) Good night (333) Bad night (318)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.

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  (513): I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem. http://tfl.nu/08nw
  Replies (3) Good night (377) Bad night (582)

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