After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hippo gnu deer
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse