He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
