He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans