Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.