all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
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I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.