The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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