i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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