just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
