Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
