you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
