She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
