That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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