I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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