omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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