She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Help. Why am I so naked?
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