hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
