She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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