i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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