I think my fart just growled at me.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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