Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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