yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
