Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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