In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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