i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
