Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
