i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
