There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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