"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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