I want to make a zoo with you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
