I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
