i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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