I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
