Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
