Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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