Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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