I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
