singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
