Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yβall did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.π
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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