had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
