conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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