This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
