Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
