So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
