how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I understand Curling. That high.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize