I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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