I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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