Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
