my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize