I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
