i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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