I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
