Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
