they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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