atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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